Chasing Ghosts
by Stephxy
Summary: Kate brings Castle to a place that is very special to her after a dream inspires her to re-prioritize her life... One-shot, complete... I took a bit of artistic license with the description of the cemetery. we know what it looks like, but it was important for me to follow the story as it was laid out in my head. No real spoilers, but assume it takes place in a post-Always world.


"Chasing Ghosts" by Stephanie Picher

A Castle FanFic

Kate brings Castle to a place that is very special to her after a dream inspires her.

Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to the television program Castle, and am not affiliated with Castle, ABC, or Disney.

Kate Beckett squatted down so that her eyes were level with the top of his mattress, and she smiled as she stole a few seconds to take in the state of his squished, open-mouthed, sleeping face. "Castle…" she whispered gently, running her fingers through his hair. "It's time to get up."

Castle mumbled in protest, asking what time it was and then pleading to her with a whine to come back to bed. "Its 9 a.m., Castle." She stated, her hands on the hips of her jeans, fingers curling through the belt loops.

He lifted his head a bit, as if it weighed a hundred pounds, and got a look at her. "Why are you dressed?" he asked incredulously. "Unacceptable!" he yelled in mock disapproval. She laughed at him, as she often did in the morning, and crawled onto the end of the bed and then up to his face, covering his lips with her own. He reached up to cradle the back of her head, then whimpered when she pulled away. She began kissing and touching her way down his body, and she felt him respond to every connection. She had learned that no one could make her feel the way that Castle could, in bed or at work or anywhere else, for that matter. She had also become well educated in what It took to make _him_ come undone as well, however, and the action and the power behind it made her smile every time.

As she snaked her way down his body, she began to take the covers with her, removing them from the bed. Castle sat up, naked, confused, and on the verge of arousal.

"Come on, Castle!" she implored, grabbing his hand in both of hers and pulling. "Up! I'm taking you somewhere!"

He was awake now, and as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, he became intrigued by Kate's persistence. He had come to know over the last few weeks that Kate was a professional homebody. She preferred a night in with a glass of wine to a fancy dinner or movie any day. Truth be told, he favored it as well, because with privacy comes the opportunity to kiss her, to hold her, and to share the intimacy they were developing with only each other.

But here she was, fully dressed at nine in the morning with some sort of mystery plan, and she wasn't letting up. She crossed her arms across her sweater clad chest, waiting for him. He smiled as he noticed the outfit, another one of several that had found a place in his dresser drawers. They were further evidence that she was bringing pieces of her life to his loft, rather than leaving him for a shower or a change of clothes. Truthfully, he hated when she left at all, unless Alexis was around. He had never had more fitful nights of sleep than those he had spent alone since their first night together.

His train of thought was interrupted again by Kate's voice, a bit softer this time. "Please, Castle?" she asked.

He nodded his head without saying anything and pulled himself out of bed, heading to the bathroom. "I wish you had waited for me before you showered, Miss Beckett," he called, and he smiled when he heard her laugh.

"I've been up for a while, Castle. Take a rain check?" she asked. She bit her lip and smiled as she heard him say "You've got yourself a deal, detective," as he turned the shower on.

She chewed her fingernails as she waited for him to get ready. She jingled her keys, she paced back in forth from his bedroom, through his office, and to the kitchen and back. She ran her hands through her hair, she sighed, and she checked her watch. She checked it again and again, despite the fact that there was nothing to be on time for.

"Are you ok?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen, hair wet and dark. "I could hear you pacing like a tiger." He walked towards her and gave her a quick kiss on the lips before moving to her cheek, chin, and neck.

"No tiger jokes, Castle." Kate said, laughing and kissing him back, his cheeks in her hand.

"Gotcha, no tiger jokes," he agreed. "But you didn't answer my question." He leaned in so their foreheads touched, and asked again "Are. You. Ok." He put emphasis on every word.

Kate smiled, nodding her head in response to his query. "Yes, Castle. I promise you that I am okay", she responded reassuringly. She grabbed his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze to supplement her words. "Ready to go?" she asked. He nodded his head before grabbing their coats, handing Kate hers before heading towards the door.

"So where are you taking me to?" Castle asked as Beckett pulled the car out onto the street.

"You'll see," she responded. He could see a slight smile at the sides of her lips, and it made him even more eager to see what her big plan was. He really couldn't imagine the type of surprise she would come up with, but he had decided a long time ago that he would follow her anywhere.

They drove for a while, out of the chaos of city driving. Kate was a great driver, and could maneuver her unit almost anywhere, but no one was denying that Manhattan driving was a bitch.

After about an hour, Kate pulled off the main road and navigated her way through a few residential neighborhoods. She knew her way around, clearly, and was quiet, biting her lip as she drove. He watched her because it was hard not to, but also because he knew something was renting space in her head at the moment. He reached across the center console and took her right hand, which had been drawing invisible shapes on her thigh, no doubt inspired by her nerves. She looked at him quickly, allowing him to clasp her hand just as she clicked her right signal on and turned into a cemetery.

Castle was confused for the shortest of instants before he understood where they were, and why they were there. He continued to hold her hand as she drove slowly through the expansive space, dotted with stones and markers, flags and flowers. It was a beautiful place outside of its context, landscaped impeccably, oft-visited by loved ones as verified by the colorful gifts of life left beside cold granite.

He continued to watch her as she turned up and down short roadways tunneled by trees above and graves on either side. After a few minutes, she came to a stop, pulling just off to the side of the road so that other cars could pass. She drew her hand from Castle's so that she could turn the car off, reassuring him with a smile that told him that it was alright. Her fingers lingered at the ignition for a few seconds before she pulled the keys out and opened the door, stepping out onto the concrete. Castle followed her lead, deciding not to ask questions but to just be there with her, as much as she needed him, as much as she would let him.

They walked up the road, side by side, and Beckett surprised Castle by reaching for his hand. He had experienced a small feeling of loss when she removed her hand from his in the car, but this made up for it. Everything was ok.

But if anything, he knew that this wasn't about him right now. His insecurities could wait so that he could take care of her, if she needed it. He squeezed her hand as they turned onto a small path through the grass, and she maintained the pressure even after he had loosened the grip.

They stopped walking a few feet along the footpath, and Castle looked up to see the gravestone of Johanna Beckett. He knew that's why they were there. Why else would they be? The reality of the event held much more gravity, though, now that they were standing there. Kate kneeled down, essentially at eye level with her mother's name, and it broke his heart that the sharply cut letters in stone were as close as Kate could get to Johanna Beckett.

Castle stood next to Kate, feeling awkward about what he should do, about what was appropriate. He was afraid of doing the wrong thing, of doing too much and of doing too little. His self-centered frame of thought was interrupted by Kate's voice. She spoke as if she could read his thoughts, and the things she said reassured him.

"I've never taken anyone here before, Rick." She admitted. She paused for a moment, then smiled, adding, "God, she would have loved you," shaking her head.

Castle finally knelt beside her, their bodies touching. Kate leaned into him and he turned to allow her back to rest against him. They wound up sitting directly on the ground in front of Kate's mother's grave. He rubbed his hands down her arms and put his lips to her ear, whispering.

"I would have thanked her for bringing such an amazing, beautiful, strong, inspiring girl into this world." He said, and he felt Kate quake briefly with emotion. "I would have promised her that I would be here for you, Kate," he continued. "I would have made sure she knew how insanely in love with her daughter I am."

He reached around to hold her by the waist, resting his chin on her trembling shoulder. She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, her head landing against his, forehead to forehead. It had become _their_ spot. There were tears streaming slowly down her cheeks, leaving light, charcoal colored lines where her makeup had run. To him, however, she had never looked more beautiful. It reminded him of that first night, when she had come to him from a deluge of violence, emotion, and torrential downpour.

He tucked her head into the crook of his neck and shoulder, and rocked her while she cried. He knew how difficult it was for her to open up and to bare her soul, and it was no greater honor than to be the man to hold her, to wipe away her tears, and to whisper love and strength into her ear.

They had both lost track of time, feeling as if they had been sitting, coiled around each other on the ground for hours. As the midday sun traced their bodies in light, Kate had turned herself around again, sitting between Castle's legs, her head and back resting heavily against his chest. She grabbed one of his hands from around her waist, holding it between both of hers, and examining the contrast in size.

She continued holding his hand, running her fingers over the spread of his palm, turning it over in her hand as If she were scrutinizing an important piece of evidence.

"I had a dream," Kate said suddenly, breaking the comfortable silence that had surrounded them as they rested against each other. She paused before continuing, breathing in deeply as she pulled the details of her unconscious vision up to her vocal cords, his support giving her the strength to continue.

"I was at your loft," she began, "I was sitting at the breakfast bar, but something was different."

She could hear him thinking. His writer's wheels were turning as he created a mental picture of the scenario she was describing. "What was different?" he asked, both interested and afraid of the answer. He knew she had nightmares from time to time, and thankfully he had to carry her through that dark moment only once, but he would never forget it how horrified he was to see her so scared and helpless.

"I was alone," she continued. "You weren't there, Rick. Neither was Alexis or your mom. It was so quiet, Castle," she carried on.

Kate closed her eyes tightly as she resumed her thought process, trying to grab hold of the meaning of it all as she described what happened next. Rick tightened his grip on her torso, hoping to encourage her with the non-verbal validation of hands on warm skin.

"Suddenly my mom was there, just sitting across the bar from me with this smile on her face. She grabbed my hand, Castle, and I could _feel _her. Just like she was alive," Kate described. Castle kissed her behind her ear, and then forward to her cheek as he listened to her describe her dream.

"She looked at me with that smile that I will never forget, and then she opened her mouth. She told me to leave it alone, to walk away from the danger. She held my hand and told me to move forward instead of backwards."

Kate became silent for a moment, furrowing her brow as she remembered the details of the dream. Meanwhile, Castle waited for her, like always. No pressure, no expectations, just Castle, listening and holding her and allowing her to take her time with this.

She closed her eyes and breathed heavily, imagining the image of her mother sitting across from her in Castle's home. "She looked right at me, Castle. I could see her eyes and the way she smiled."

Castle listened intently while staring at the name whittled into the stone in front of him. Seeing the name "Beckett" displayed so prominently, signifying untimely loss was almost more than he could bear. He had made an obligation, however, at least to himself, that he would never leave her side again, no matter how much he hurt. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms again, backing her up and doing his best to let her know, without interrupting, that he was paying attention to every word she said. He wanted her to know that he was still her partner, and would be forever.

Kate began to cry again, softer and with less intensity as she advanced further into her dream, reaching into a place in her subconscious that she rarely allowed herself to go, let alone share with someone else.

She grabbed his hands intensely, as if she wanted to hide behind them. Squeezing tightly at first, she then allowed her hands to tangle with his, and he moved their interlaced fingers against her heart.

Kate smiled at the gesture, allowing him to keep her hands in his, rubbing her thumbs over the exposed spaces of the flesh of his knuckles.

She leaned further backwards into him, craving more connection and more courage to take the next step. She swallowed loudly before she began speaking again, her head craned to look up at him.

"My mother… She, my…" Kate stumbled over her words before taking a deep breath, reveling in the feeling of Castle kissing the top of her head. "It's ok", he whispered. Kate shook her head in frustration, squeezing his hand again before attempting to continue.

"Castle... I'll never forget it. I could still feel her hand on mine, as warm as life. Then she looked deep into my eyes, that smile still on her face and spoke. She called me "Katie", as if I were a little girl again," Beckett relayed.

Castle nuzzled her hair with his nose, whispering "Mmm, Katie…", with a smile on his face. So what did she say, Kate?" Castle asked, genuinely interested and invested in the details that were clearly important to Kate.

She said that if she hadn't died, then I would never have become a cop. She stopped for a moment, as the words that seemed so real in sleep began to make her feel embarrassed. She continued for the sake of it, releasing the last but more important words, her mouth against his chest.

"She said that if she hadn't died the way she did, then I never would have met you," she finished.

Kate sighed tiredly, as if reliving the details of her dream had completely exhausted her. Turning her body towards him again, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and he reciprocated by pulling her as close as his arms would allow.

"I had never thought of it like that, Castle", Kate revealed. "As much as I wish my mom was still here to watch me be happy, to watch me fall in love, it terrifies me to imagine a world without you in it. If there is anything right or noble or good in losing my mother, it is that I wouldn't have found you without that terrible, heartbreaking, worst of days."

"She's gone, Castle." Kate said simply. "None of the chases or leads or rogue investigations will ever bring her back. I lost her at a time in my life when I needed her the most. Since then, I've been chasing ghosts. It's time to come back to the land of the living, and now that the truth of today is clearer, I know who I need the most", she said, resting her forehead against his.

"Oh, Kate", crooned Castle, before placing a kiss that was both chaste but full of meaning over her lips.

As she pulled from his embrace, she stood, and then reached forward to trace the letters of Johanna Beckett's headstone with her fingers. She ran her hands along the cool stone as if memorizing the curves and corners. "I love you, mom", said Kate, her hand resting on the top of her mother's grave.

Kate looked down at Rick, who was still sitting on the ground, staring up at her. "You ready?" Kate asked as she reached her arm down to him so that he could take hold of her hand, allowing her to pull him to his feet. Kate walked towards him, wrapping her arms around his midsection and leaning her head against his chest. He held her tightly, as if trying to relay a telepathic message through the proximity of their bodies. He rocked her back and forth in their embrace as they stood in front of Johanna Beckett's grave. He rubbed her back with splayed hands, and whispered soothing words in her ear.

"I love you so much", he said, his voice cracking with emotion. Kate raised her head from its resting place on his torso and looked up at him, eyes locked as she reached up to trace the sharp line of his face. "I love you too, Castle", she said, smiling before reveling in the feeling of being able to speak the truth, for the sake of both of them.

"You ready, Rick?" she asked again, glancing back towards her mother's headstone. Kate knew she would be back again. It was a tranquil place that made her feel close to her mom, but it held a different significance than it once had. Kate had learned that her mother didn't reside in a chunk of granite or in the earth beneath it. Johanna Beckett existed in her daughter's heart, and had for many years. She was so much more than a body in an alley, or a photo in a manila folder.

In her dreams, her mother had told her what was important, but truthfully, she already knew. It had taken time and many tears to get there, to be in a place where she could take the hand of the man she loved and walk confidently into the life that was waiting for them.

Kate had grabbed Rick's hand as she asked if he was ready to leave, but he gave it a quick tug and smiled, responding softly as he stepped towards the grave. "Yeah, I'm ready. Just one second", he answered thoughtfully.

Kate watched as he approached her mother's stone, placing his hand on the smooth shelf on top. He moved his fingers along the smooth, flat surface, doing his best to send messages of thanks and love to Johanna Beckett. As he pulled away from the hard and beautifully tragic memorial, he touched Kate's warm hand, outstretched to meet his. He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she leaned into him as they walked away from the place that had once held everything for Kate Beckett. She smiled and pushed against him, endlessly thankful for the change in perspective. She no longer had to drive the unkind Manhattan roads to find where she belonged, for she had already unearthed the pillar that would hold her up no matter what.

Kate Beckett and Richard Castle walked in relative silence back to her car, his hand drawing circles on the small of her back. As they approached the vehicle, Castle walked her to the driver's side door, opening it for her. Kate looked at him and smiled. "Quite the gentleman, Castle," she responded at the gesture.

Once they were inside the car, approaching the cemetery gates, Castle spoke, asking once again if Kate was okay. He knew the weight of the suffering she had experienced, and he worried that an experience like this might be difficult for her, despite her dream-inspired epiphany.

Kate smiled again, her eyes remaining on the road in front of her. Without looking, she grabbed his hand, knowing exactly where it was. She brought it to her lips and kissed his knuckles before responding. "Yeah Castle," she began. "I'm really, really ok." She kissed his knuckles again. "Thank you for coming here with me."

Castle was quiet for a moment before speaking. "Kate, thank _you_!" he said. "I wish more than anything that I could have met your mother, but I am so honored that you asked me to come with you. I know how important that place is to you. Truthfully, Kate, I've never loved you more than I do now," he imparted, his voice wavering as he finished speaking.

"I've wanted to bring you with me for so long," Kate revealed, still holding his hand, moving her thumb back and forth across his palm. "I've wanted a lot of things, Castle, but my own fear and the state of being stuck in the past had blinded me. I want you with me always, wherever I go. We are a package deal now, and I _have _to open my life up to you. All of it."

"I'll be here for all of it, Kate," he responded, his voice cracking further as his heart grew in his chest.

Kate smiled, trusting his words and feeling a sense of relief and gratitude for him. She tried not to think about lost time, but about the power of their love in the present and the infinite possibilities that their future held.

The hole in her heart was closing, and the commitment to what was important had shifted inside her. With Richard Castle beside her, she had found a new place to put her focus, and not much else mattered beyond the two of them.

In her life, when the darkness settled over her, she ran. She sprinted away from the feelings and the discomfort of dealing with the cards she had been dealt, but as they rode the elevator to his loft, she settled against him, knowing for sure that she had found her place, and there would be no more running, no more chasing ghosts. Today was about stopping to live, to appreciate the little things, and to allow love in. For Kate, the real accomplishment lay in her certainty that should could accept Castle's love, and shower him with hers in return. It felt like her perspective, and her courage to love was her mother's final gift to her. It was one she would treasure in her life with Castle, because it had turned out to be the best gift as well.


End file.
